Seriously, this city is COOL. Many, many, many travelers already know this. It isn't exactly a well kept secret. Amsterdam is, after all, the city of a gillion bicycles, legalized marijuana, crazy early 20th century artists, and retail-style prostitution. Seriously, how much cooler can you get?
We rolled the dice on accommodations when we headed from Cologne to Amsterdam, and really weren't sure what we would be able to find. Happily the tourist info drones were able to find us a hostel along a canal (which really isn't optional) just a stones throw from the Red Light District. Classy!
Okay, so this isn't a picture of our hostel, but the hostel looked exactly like it. Canal in front, narrow tilty houses on either side, bicycles everywhere, squinty Glen glowering at the camera...
The thing that struck us immediately as we started walking around were the columns of buildings. Amsterdam embodies the concept of vertical living. The flats are crammed together, one butting immediately up against the other, with hoist beams at the top so that large objects like furniture can be lifted in through windows instead of through the impossibly narrow staircases. I love those hoists. I wish we had hoists here just so that I could say "hoist" more often.
Hoist!
The houses tilt into the street and away from the street. They lean against one another for support. To hell with building codes! These houses are going to sway in any direction they see fit, and the humans can just work around them. There is something clausterphobically charming about it all, as though the city crammed as much cuteness into as small a square footage as possible. They're positively Falstaffian, drunken and merry and smiling.
Be wary, lest a house fall on you.
Really, the whole city evokes that lovable, complex character. It's smiles and oddities make no effort to conceal its equally cheerful radicalism. This place has been a brewing vat of economic, social, and artistic reform for much of its history. They embrace the gritty along with the elegant, a fact that was visually apparent while we were walking the canals in the evening. Nighttime windows in the Red Light district were as likely to reveal a beautiful apartment with crystal chandeliers as they were a gyrating prostitute.
Really, the best place to get a feel for these weird juxtapositions was the Red Light District. Marked off from the regular streets by knee high posts with red lights around the top, this largely pedestrian area is remarkably clean and polite. Yes, there are sex shops all over the place. Yes, at night the ground-floor windows open to reveal scantily clad women selling their...*ahem*...wares. But there were also sights like this:
Not half bad, eh? It was a remarkably nifty place to be in, with more of an easy going boho feel than a sexually seething stewpot.
That being said, the prostitutes in windows were hilarious. Most of them were in bikinis or lingerie sets with furry boots (!) or strappy heels. Some of them were putting on a little pouty performance for potential customers. We walked past three side-by-side windows, each with a girl sporting a typical "naughty XYZ" type outfit. They were tapping on the glass to attract attention and waving at passers by. It made me think of a fishbowl, and I wanted to see if there was some way of sprinkling nibblies through the top of the glass panes. Funniest of all were the Ones Who Don't Give A Damn. These ladies lounge about in the most unflattering poses, chain smoking and yammering on their cell phones or to one another. I imagine that the ones who put in more of an effort got more customers.
In about 90% of the prostitute windows you can see an industrial type bed, usually with a satin spread in some lurid jewel tone, and the hip-height sink used to wash the customer's junk prior to servicing. We did see the occasional transaction - a customer would go to their door, words would be exchanged, then the lady would yank the curtains shut. Yup, that's right folks! The deed is done about five feet away from the sidewalk. You can't hear anything - those windows are as sound-proofed as they come. One evening we even got to see a customer being rejected! He was at the door talking with the prostitute, who looked supremely unimpressed. She leaned with her elbow against the door jamb, pursing her lips and shaking her head "no no no". Eventually the rejected customer shrugged and walked off, and the lady returned to her window. I would love to know what his business proposition was.
The tourists' mental picture of the Red Light District is usually intimately (har har) tied to legalized marijuana sales. This is somewhat misleading: there are many stores outside the Red Light District where you can buy weed as well. Indeed, the whole of central Amsterdam is peppered with "Coffeeshops" where you can pop in for an afternoon pick-me-up of a cappuccino, a joint, and maybe a hash brownie if you are feeling peckish. Seriously. Coffeeshops are NOT to be confused with Cafés, where your frothy latte will be accompanied with a regular scone-with-jam, with nary a bong in sight.
During our second day after a rather afternoon of sight seeing, we were walking along one canal that had about six coffeeshops along a stretch no more than 100 meters long. People were hanging out on the coffeeshop patios, chatting amicably. We peered in through windows hazy with smoke scum to see remarkably pleasant little establishments, and [POST EDITED FOR ADULT CONTENT].
Needless to say we were really hungry. Although Amsterdam now has a reputation for being the destination for the finest Indonesian food outside of South West Asia, we were hoping to find more typically Dutch-type fare. Our search took some time, however this was not due to any difficulty in reading the menus; being in prime tourist territory, there were more signs in English than in Dutch. There were also more western themed bars, Indian restaurants, and Argentinian steakhouses than eateries with the fish-and-salt packed Dutch fare. We prevailed, eventually settling on croquettes and really good beer. But really, if you want to find traditional Dutch food, head to the towns outside of Amsterdam. It's worth the bus fare.
More Amsterdam to come!
