Neil!

We have encountered a hiccough in the perfection of the Grampians YHA Eco-Hostel, and it comes in the package of Neil. Neil has come to embody every irritating characteristic a hosteller can possess.

It all began with the free food cupboard. There are usually such cupboards in hostel kitchens, where guests who are leaving can abandon leftover food that they do not wish to carry to their next destination. Glen and I avail ourselves fairly regularly of the free food cupboards. We’ve had pretty good pickings – peanut butter (which is a rather expensive commodity here), bread, pasta, pasta sauce, milk, butter, seasonings, etc. It has become a habit of ours to check the free food cupboards before every meal, we take what we need for that meal (and only that meal) and leave the rest for others who need it.

The free food cupboard at this hostel had a few goldmine items appear in it one morning. There was a nearly whole loaf of rye bread, a nearly full bottle of canola cooking oil, a full bottle of mango soda type beverage, and chicken bouillon cubes. We were planning on using some of these supplies, particularly the canola oil, as everything we’ve been cooking has been cooked in butter and proper cooking oil would be a nice change. The bottle was practically unused, so we figured that it would take people quite a few days to get through it all. You can imagine our surprise, therefore, when the bottle went missing.

The disappearance of the loaf of bread was to be expected – get a few people making a couple pieces of toast each and presto, a loaf disappears. Nor were we shocked at the missing bottle of mango soda; get a few people having a glass or two each, and presto, a bottle of pop disappears. The bouillon cubes were a little odd, as we couldn’t think who could consume seven bouillon cubes in one meal. But the bottle of canola oil, well that was just plain odd.

Early next morning, I noticed that the loaf of bread and bottle of oil hadn’t simply vanished, they had migrated. To a different cupboard. To Neil’s cupboard. How did I know that it was Neil’s cupboard? Why, because the little turd had re-labelled the bread and oil. A quick inspection of one of the fridges revealed that he has also re-labelled the mango pop. While I couldn’t locate the chicken bouillon, I suspect that he had similarly nabbed that as well.

It isn’t the fact that someone else had dared used the food that irked us, it was that he had the nerve to re-label something that he hadn’t even used yet. It defies the definition of the communal free food cupboard. Communal food is supposed to be available to whoever needs it at that time. Take what you need for that meal, and leave the rest: that it how it works.

A few days later, Neil’s food cupboard was empty, and the loaf of bread (unused) and the bottle of canola oil (unused) re-appeared in the free food cupboard. Neil had vacated the premises and left behind food he nicked and then didn’t even have the courtesy to use! I could see the bread – had he used it. But the bottle of canola oil completely flabbergasts me. If he didn’t think he could get through an entire bottle of cooking oil in a few short days, why did he feel it necessary to re-label the blasted thing?

There was another item missing from the hostel that morning – the contents of the sugar canisters. There were two reasonably large sugar canisters that sat at the tea stations (the hostel had two honour-system tea stations: $0.20 per cup, and sugar was available). Both canisters were empty, but Glen and I assumed that they had run low the night before. We thought nothing of it at the time and set about getting our breakfast.

Shortly after we started breakfast, one of the hostel managers seemed a bit flustered. They were short handed that morning; being without a housekeeper at the moment, they’ve had some hostellers helping out with the housework in exchange for their accommodation. One of the people helping, who had done housework in trade for accommodation with them in the past, just picked up and left that morning for a different job. “So now Neil’s gone,” he told us.

Neil!

Then he noticed the empty canisters of sugar. His wife came in and also noticed the empty canisters of sugar. That’s odd, they mused, because they had filled them the night before. Apparently sugar, along with teaspoons, tea bags, and instant coffee, is one of the most common items nicked from hostels. But why would someone take the equivalent of about a kilo of plain sugar? And who took it?

I can tell you who Glen and I suspect.

NEIL!

So henceforth, should we come across some hosteller who behaves in a thoroughly annoying manner that flouts conventions of hostel etiquette, he or she shall be dubbed Neil.