Introduction - Part II: Stalling Tactics

Making the decision to leave for a year presented an interesting paradox – it was at once one of the hardest and simplest decisions I’ve made. Now granted, I was not the only one involved in this decision – Glen, of course, was similarly involved in this. But decisions are not only made in practise, but must also be made in one’s own head; if the resolution is not made in the head, then stalling tactics will be employed to great effect.

Fear is the primary motivation for stalling, and unfortunately I am not exactly the bravest person in the world. It isn’t the idea of being in a strange place among strange people that frightens me, but rather the idea of the financial instability of such a trip. It is in my nature to save rather than spend, and while I’m no miser, I like having a decently sized emergency cushion. Not knowing where the next paycheque is coming from is the height of anxiety. This is not a new fear – throughout childhood I was inordinately and unreasonably anxious about family finances. I’ve no idea where these fears originated, as I had no reason to think that we were headed to the poorhouse and my parents taught me good money management. Dealing with this tendency towards worry-warting over financial matters is one of my goals for this trip. I won't let money fears prevent me from going, and I am determined to get a grip on this ridiculous behaviour.

Glen and I are in a suprisingly good situation for this trip. We are not bogged down by any debt, we have saved for a trip such as this, and I have already made my registered retirement savings plan contribution for the year. We are also going to be acquiring a work visa and picking up what jobs we come across, and are looking forward to everything from fruit picking to physical labour to possibly finding work in our professional fields. Costs will be further cut down through some participation in work exchanged for room and board programs. Either way, we will be earning funds and participating in work exchange while travelling, and therefore should not need to eat into our regular accounts to supplement the travel budget we have established. We will not be returning destitute to Canada; we are ready and able to practise some strict budgeting once we get back and begin re-establishing our regular work lives.

Yet with all these provisions, the financial insecurity still terrifies me. The idea of putting off my career development for a full year is appalling. These sentiments, however, are utterly ridiculous as they are unfounded and verge on illogical paranoia. As illogical as they are, however, they present a very convenient method for stalling any sort of decision that involves taking the slightest bit of financial or career-related risk. Unfortunately, the consistent refusal of any sort of venture that may involve a financial or career risk means that good opportunities are passed by or lost altogether. I’m tired of allowing my insecurities to hold my husband and I back. I might be afraid of what going to New Zealand could potentially do to my bank account, but I’m going all the same – and I’m going to get over my fears.